Are you a People-Pleaser? Someone who goes out of their way to help other people and rarely finds the word NO?
When does your pleasing cross the line and become control and manipulation? Let’s dissect the differences between GIVING and TAKING when it comes to caring.
GIVING represents giving freely or without expectations. The intention to help someone who needs help for the moment without any preconceived notions of return on investment.
TAKING represents giving to receive something in return. The intention is to give to someone to get something like attention, validation, or to push your own agenda.
Think about the times you’ve stepped in to help without being asked. What were the situations? Why did you feel the need to help? How did it make you feel? What was the result?
It’s important to evaluate your own intentions and do a gut check on expectations. One survey I like to use is “are they capable of seeing this through on their own? Does it concern me if it doesn’t work out the way I think it should? NO? Good, get back in your own hula-hoop. It’s easy to think you are being helpful because you believe YOU have all the right answers – the reality is, you don’t. Life is a journey full of learning opportunities. Stepping in to solve everyone’s problems will not make you Teacher of the Year.
Cynthia Orange, an author who has written extensively on addiction and recovery, parenting, and post-traumatic stress disorder retitled a few phrases to give us a glimpse of a skewed perception and the need for rewiring.
“Love knows no bounds, SO it needs boundaries.”What the world needs now is love, sweet love, WITH reasonable limits.” “All you need is love AND balance.”
She describes caretaking as an out-of-balance and ‘self-centered’ behavior that reflects a person’s deep need to be in control and accepted. It is perfectly acceptable to be helpful and love others but when you are seeking approval and power over the situations, you’ve gone too far.
CHALLENGE: To value and care for yourself beyond your desire to please another person. Find joy and celebration in your own accomplishments and then listen and love and when asked, give care freely without expectations of return.
I know YOU can do it!
Musical Feature: Ronny Criss www.ronnycrissmusic.com