Setting Relationship Expectations – 50 Shades of Expectation

With all the hype around 50 Shades of Grey I started thinking about expectations and disappointment. I didn’t read the books but I felt the hype. The dark and mysterious Billionaire with smoldering eyes and a fetish for sexual control. Everyone was talking about it with anticipation waiting to see Christian Grey dominate his unsuspecting lover on screen. So when the trailer aired I felt immediately disappointed in the casting. Huh….that’s Christian, he’s not what I envisioned. It dawned on me, why were my expectations so high….I hadn’t even invested the time to read the book!

Women and men are conditioned with high expectations that lead to bitter disappointment. Tall, dark and handsome. Legs for days. Prince Charming. Treated like a Princess and happily ever after. The fairytale of a Knight in shinning armor and a damsel in distress. Where that story may make for a heart warming and tear jerking love scene it pales in comparison to real life. I have found very few people that have lived happily ever after without trials and tribulations.

Women are conditioned to look for the “total package” in a mate. The fact is they typically pick a person for all the wrong reasons then spend an mind numbing amount of time trying to make them in to something they don’t ever have a chance of being. Once the brick wall presents itself and there is no where to turn …the crash leaves them feeling confused and disappointed. Why couldn’t he have changed? He didn’t love me enough.

There is no way one check-list or “looks good on paper” can apply to all women. If you had to answer the question right now…..what are you looking for in a partner? What would be your answer? Even if it is hard to admit, the right answer is “I’m not sure”. Taking time to peal back the layers of baked on influences and getting to know the real you might give you the answers. Before the bulleted list of adjectives there is a heart and a soul. There is someone to connect with deeper than the eyes. There is a laugh that touches that special part of your stomach.  There is an understood comfort that calms before the storm. Knowing what  you need will give clarity to what you want.

What makes you who you are? Are you creative, quiet, loving, driven, funny, passionate?  About what? What gives you pleasure? What do you look forward to? This is YOUR check list. Once you create the core you can add the adjectives. Think outside the box, switch up the norm, go against the grain and take a chance. It may be just what you have been looking for. Unless you are married and deliciously happy and in love (not sure you would have found this blog if that were the case) then what  you have done thus far has not worked. It may be time to throw away the “list” , re engineer the expectations and start fresh with a new perspective!