SHOW NOTES:
On this show… we are embracing grief and all its varying shades. Not denying it, running from it, or refusing to face it but embracing it. What can grief teach and how can it help us heal? When to forgive yourself and others and how to accept life and all it has in store for you. The term, “grief is a part of life” might sound like a cliche but if you accept it as factual, then walking through it is the only course of action. Noticing the varying shades can help you accept loss for what it is and move to an understanding that tomorrow brings new hope and opportunity.
Does just hearing the word grief create a feeling of impending sadness? The general color of mourning is black so let’s start there. Grief is a noun, not a verb and the dictionary definition is very definite: deep sorrow, especially caused by someone’s death. : deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement. Sorrow, angst, woe, regret.
Grieving as a verb is an action of feeling grief for or because of death. Expressing great sorrow.
There are many guides to overcoming grief and many of them include lots of helpful coping strategies but just remember, your grief is personal and unique to you. It won’t fit nicely into a predetermined box and it won’t follow a detailed timeline. Be kind and forgiving as you work your way through loss.
Experience grief isn’t only connected to the loss of a loved one. Don’t question your grief or judge yourself based on the varying shades. Each time we lose something, time, an opportunity, a relationship, a loved one, and so many more. We feel loss. Maybe not all forms of loss are followed by deep sorrow, but they are represented within our varying shades and will still require your attention.
With that said, I do fully believe in the Five Stages of Grief. Don’t think of these stages as a step-by-step, chronological guide. You may or may not experience any one or all of these stages once, in sequence. Or over and over in and out with varying degrees.
We take a deeper dive into every stage…. It’s important to note that this list is no sequential and you may visit each stage more than once or not at all.
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
My Father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in 2003. Without a cure, we knew the outlook was bleak but that didn’t stop us from staying positive, and as my Father used to say “just seeing what we’re dealing with”. It was a long decline with loss at every turn. When he lost the ability to effectively communicate, or the ability to drive or be left alone. When he lost the ability to be cared for at home and when he lost the ability to walk. Through dementia, he lost his memory and many of his faculties. Each phase brought on elements of grief and with each level of acceptance, there was more grief to embrace. When he passed away last year there was a sense of relief mixed with extreme sadness. I was happy for his freedom and faced with the inevitable loss accumulated for years and years of loss.
- Live Your Life to the Fullest As It Can Change In A Blink Of An Eye
- Family and Friends -Your Precious Gifts in Life
- Healing Is A Process – don’t rush it.
- Use Your Power Of Choice – Choose to be hopeful.
- Find Your Purpose In Life
- Don’t Let Your Past Rule Your Life Now And In The Future.
- Don’t Run Away From Life stay strong and embrace its unpredictability.
Life seems to be filled with lesson after lesson doesn’t it. As we walk through, run, crawl, and cower – life is teaching us lessons through joy and sorrow. At one point or another, you might be compelled to choose “head-in-the-sand” vs facing your challenges head-on. I mean, who hasn’t wanted to check out of a difficult situation or two. But feeling life is as big a part of living as being.
I work with women in rehab and embracing and working through grief is a topic that can’t be ignored. For many, they have used drugs and alcohol as a way to escape the emotional pain that comes from trauma. This method then becomes the way of checking out of all struggles and disappointments. In rehab, you are forced to come face-to-face with ALL the pain and since it’s been left unresolved, it can come on with heart-crushing reality.
As painful as it is, I remind them that it’s normal to feel this great sense of loss when trauma, death, separation, and loss is experienced. It’s hard to buy-in to the fact that this is actually a good thing. It shows the level at which you were able to feel and express real love. For many this is rock bottom, knowing they can experience and deliver this level of grief to others.
Not all grief looks alike. Just like there are stages and shades, there are also different types of grief.
At whatsyourgrief.com I found TYPES OF GRIEF AND LOSS by ELEANOR HALEY
Here are just a few we cover in the show…
- Normal Grief
- Anticipatory Grief
- Complicated Grief
- Chronic Grief
- Delayed Grief
If you are sitting there right now keeping your pain to yourself because you don’t want to burden someone with your sadness, please, climb up out of the bog and look at the bigger picture. We are all going through something. People need people to heal and to survive. Reach out now.
With that said, you must be willing to heal and move forward. No rush, maybe not today, but someday. Having a shoulder to lean on and a friend to help carry your burden is important but pulling someone into your sadness to camp out is not.
CHALLENGE: Your days can get better if you allow the sun to shine in and a new perspective to form. Your capacity for love is endless. Embrace grief but reach a hand forward and grab on to hope.
I Know YOU Can Do It!